So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
