Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
sick fucks of a feather flock together
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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