look no pants
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'm passing your future prison.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize