Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I think my fart just growled at me.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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