I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
