I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
