so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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