wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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