Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I am available for nakedness
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
