I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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