sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
How does it feel to date your dad?
Randomize
