He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
