sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
