finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Is it penis luge time yet?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
