i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
