He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
