she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Randomize
