Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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