When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
