she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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