what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
