I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
