My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
