It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
