sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Randomize
