I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
