I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
