Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
i've created a new STD.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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