this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
vagina is talking i cant
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
