I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
