3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I supernannyed him into submission
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
