just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
