I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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