girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
