Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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