I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize