it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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