How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
