I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
