Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
