Can i not drive my cunt home
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
