Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
