Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Randomize
