Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
