ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize