did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
