So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
