You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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