he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
