Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
How external is "for external use only"?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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