We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
