Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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