I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
