he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
