I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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