mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
