Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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