It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize