I accidentally burped into my bong.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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