I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
