I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize