Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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