i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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