i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
3pm strippers are depressing
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
