That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize