Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
