Someone shit on the floor
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
