Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
