see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
