They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
