youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
