don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
