Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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