Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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