Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
