my mouth tastes like poor choices
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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