And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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