can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Quick, to the slutcave!
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
