never play flip cup with pint glasses
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
