Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I understand Curling. That high.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
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