I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
