She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
