So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
