She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
