I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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