i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
