Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
