My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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