well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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