We're like a lot better than the average bears
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
