just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
