What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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