I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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