I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
