peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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