So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
