New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
