I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
