Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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