have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
We need to rekindle our bromance
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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